Beautiful Monster
Diaries of the invisible........
  • simpliimee

feat. Ayak, Talib Kweli
[Hi-Tek]
Ah-hah, yeah uhh
Tek-Zilla, Zilla, that’s me baby
I know you done heard it all before but uhh
Uhh

I wanna take you back to the good ol’ days
Good homecooked food, good ol’ steak
Long walks in the park, we would talk forever
Me and you together was the golden era
Never thought you’d be my ex-dame, Jones on the phone
Used to give you long pet names, now I feel alone
Got me zonin off track, lookin at your pics
Feelin like Big, “I want that ol’ thing back!”

[Chorus: Ayak]
Can we go back to that {*2X*}
Can we go back, I wanna go back {*2X*}
Ba-bayyyy…
Can we go back to that {*2X*}
Can we go back, I wanna go back {*2X*}
Ba-bayyyy…

[Ayak - singing]
Holdin hands, in the park
Doin all, the things that lovers do
Is how I remember you
You showered me, with kisses sweet
You made me feel, like I was your queen
Feel safe in your arms just where I wanna be
So wrapped and so in love
We would talk, makin plans sittin on {?} stumps
Long gone are those days
But I say, can we…

[Chorus] with ad libs

[Talib Kweli]
Why not, let’s do it
You keep it fresh like the ‘dro in a sack, you rollin and blowin it back
You growin I’m knowin the game is whack but I know what I lack
Niggaz used to love H.E.R. but now she just a hoe on the track
She’s strippin up though out of stack, I wanna blow out her back
Shame we lowered the rap bars, replaced with this whack
I’m sharp like the slasher that stab ya, hittin ya face with the dagger
Still I be faced with the task of shakin they ass
She gotta bubble like she, takin a bath, we takin it back, yeah

[Ayak - singing]
Lookin back, at what we had
How did it end, it’s such a shame baby
Cause you were my all end everything
In my mind, you were fly
But over time, how is it we change
No matter what I wish it won’t be the same
Can’t rewind to times we were in love
Never thought we’d end up breakin up
Long gone are those days
So whaddya say…

[Chorus] with ad libs

(Source: sicklikesidandnancy)

(Source: alwayswishingiwasgoodenough)

I may not talk to you, but I remember your voice. I may not see you, but I have a perfect image of your face. I may not hug you anymore, but I remember your scent. I may have deleted your texts, but I’ll always remember what you said.
(via narriko)

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh… And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

e e cummings “i like my body when it is with your body” (via quesadija)

(Source: atomiclanterns)

If everyone is a product of this society, who will say the things that need to be said, and do the things that need to be done, without compromise? Truth will never start out popular in a world more concerned with marketability than righteousness. It will initially suffer ridicule and even violence- yet ultimately it is undeniable. All of humanity is living in a dream world, but suffering real consequences.
Lauryn Hill (via atomos)

(Source: aquaticuss)

What makes a Rose a Rose Absent minded woman. Hear the sink drip Dearly beloved, your taste, so sweet Floating as she walks, hand grazing the rail An exquisite animal, in full bloom Eyes so deep, body almost untouchable, slide To her, he drones, falling, from the seemingly endless ladder Naïve this curious rose, without the latter existence is fruitless. Rejection! An ineffective bloom Why stop? Need takes over, grasping, railing tender petals stroke his membrane, drip How? Ravishing something once so sweet: This animal, the instinct, onto her he slides Honestly only budding but moving too fast to explain, the slide more of a scramble, uneasy, mounting the rail Woman! Tidying the shattered dishes, drip; the sink still leaks, signification of the sweet irony. Is this a requirement? To ascend the ladder. She is told it is acceptable, seizing what is claimed as his bloom Is this melody not the soft tune of dreams, why bloom? Is a roses’ occupation to please the insects, sweet craving for nector? Is a rose merely a ladder to this finite desire? Says he, but may I slide to a separate conclusion? Let this false obedience drip, drop, plummet, plunge! Rose, leave this rail Descend, from the gardens of uncertainty, railing your true self. Discover the magnificence of proper bloom Blossom; sweet rose. No longer tolerate being the ladder to further exploitation. Realize your dripping beauty internal to the crawling pests fixation. Slide               from the shadows. Nector still sweet A simple touch. He caresses her, sweet expectations begin to formulate. Will this slide? A-rose from the sun, she grabs the rail Thoughts of possession engulfing him. Does she dare descend the ladder: he so adamantly claims, challenging her bloom. Disillusioned, him? Or is it her? The beauty is lost, the sink is still dripping. Is being sweet to let him atop the ladder? For a rose to be a rose is it necessary for his drip to allow her to bloom? Does he require her to allow him up the rails or can she choose? Let this slide.

What makes a Rose a Rose

Absent minded woman. Hear the sink drip

Dearly beloved, your taste, so sweet

Floating as she walks, hand grazing the rail

An exquisite animal, in full bloom

Eyes so deep, body almost untouchable, slide

To her, he drones, falling, from the seemingly endless ladder

Naïve this curious rose, without the latter

existence is fruitless. Rejection! An ineffective bloom

Why stop? Need takes over, grasping, railing

tender petals stroke his membrane, drip

How? Ravishing something once so sweet:

This animal, the instinct, onto her he slides

Honestly only budding but moving too fast to explain, the slide

more of a scramble, uneasy, mounting the rail

Woman! Tidying the shattered dishes, drip;

the sink still leaks, signification of the sweet

irony. Is this a requirement? To ascend the ladder.

She is told it is acceptable, seizing what is claimed as his bloom

Is this melody not the soft tune of dreams, why bloom?

Is a roses’ occupation to please the insects, sweet

craving for nector? Is a rose merely a ladder

to this finite desire? Says he, but may I slide

to a separate conclusion? Let this false obedience drip,

drop, plummet, plunge! Rose, leave this rail

Descend, from the gardens of uncertainty, railing

your true self. Discover the magnificence of proper bloom

Blossom; sweet rose. No longer tolerate being the ladder

to further exploitation. Realize your dripping

beauty internal to the crawling pests fixation. Slide              

from the shadows. Nector still sweet

A simple touch. He caresses her, sweet

expectations begin to formulate. Will this slide?

A-rose from the sun, she grabs the rail

Thoughts of possession engulfing him. Does she dare descend the ladder:

he so adamantly claims, challenging her bloom.

Disillusioned, him? Or is it her? The beauty is lost, the sink is still dripping.

Is being sweet to let him atop the ladder?

For a rose to be a rose is it necessary for his drip to allow her to bloom?

Does he require her to allow him up the rails or can she choose? Let this slide.

Serpent, Shrewdest of all creatures Really? Woman, must eat the fruit, of course the woman, the serpent. Knowing everything both good and evil, the woman, the fruit. Delicious, so wise, she the fruit. Her husband then, eyes opened. Together their hips toward evening, hid among the trees. I heard you, naked. You were naked, but it was the woman. Me, I ate it. The woman, the serpent, you will be punished. you are the domestic. To be cursed, you will grovel as you live. From now on the woman, enemies, your offspring, her offspring, enemies. Crush you, the woman, suffering. Your husband, your master. Struggle to scratch a living. Thorns and thistles for you all your life, produce food forever! Banished. His wife. Banishing, angelic beings. Guarding the way to the tree of life.

Serpent,

Shrewdest of all creatures

Really? Woman, must

eat the fruit, of course

the woman, the serpent.

Knowing everything

both good and evil,

the woman, the fruit.

Delicious, so wise,

she the fruit.

Her husband then,

eyes opened.

Together their hips

toward evening,

hid among the trees.

I heard you, naked.

You were naked,

but it was the woman.

Me, I ate it.

The woman, the serpent,

you will be punished.

you are the domestic.

To be cursed,

you will grovel

as you live.

From now on the woman,

enemies,

your offspring, her offspring,

enemies.

Crush you, the woman,

suffering.

Your husband, your master.

Struggle to scratch a living.

Thorns and thistles for you

all your life,

produce food

forever! Banished.

His wife.

Banishing, angelic beings.

Guarding the way to the tree of life.

Cant sleep….

I just keep thinking……….

I honestly believe I will be alone forever.

I have a child and I know it sounds terrible but I would not want to be with someone who has a child myself. How am I to expect someone else to love my child as I do. Thats unrealistic.

Also, I was with her father for about 5 years. I have recently found out so many things. I never knew this man. The person he portrayed to me is not who he is. I dont mean this just personality wise, it goes into things like interests and goals.

I dont understand how a person can lie for years about who they are. I dont want to have to question a persons every move, every promise, every decision. Thats no way to live. Its stressful and a waste of my time.

I will pass. I would rather be alone forever.

I know……

I know I should not go with you to Reno

I know that you do not respect me or our love anymore

I know this is slowly destroying me

I know this is not good for my health

But I still wish I could go with you to Reno and enjoy you, and….. us

But I still want you to hold me and make love to me

But I feel lost without you,I am still reaching for you

But I can’t seem to help loving, hoping, wishing……….

I cant live with you….. but im not living without you.

My Addiction

For years I put up with being hit, left alone while you go play with your friends, party, get high, whatever it was. Years of you being in and out of jail. Years of you accusing me of being unfaithful even when your own brother was living with me. I was nothing but the perfect woman to you. I put up with everything. We fought but I always fought for us. I wanted US so badly it hurt.

This last year though. I gave up. I did. You continued to try to pull the same shit when you were doing a year in Jail! A year! Because you didnt care enough about your family to quite smoking weed and get a fuckin job!!!!!!!!

You left me a few times while you were in jail. Left ME! Serious. After years of being degraded and told how annoying I am and how much you cant stand me, cant stand being around me and thats why you would always leave, how dumb I am, how much of a whore I am!!! When I had NEVER done anything even close to being unfaithful……

The last year though, yea I started to act my fuckin age and going out with my girlfriends. That doesnt make me a whore that makes me human.  I met ONE guy that I spent a lot of time with, and I know that has caused us some issues. I am sorry for that but………. No buts….Im sorry. 

If I got anything out of all this though. Is that you are so wrong. I am not the person you try to portray me as, your accusations are empty. I am a great mother and good woman to the man I am WITH. You remind me so much of my dad its disgusting. There is someone out there who will love me for me and not try to degrade me to get me to stay with them.

You try to portray yourself as this great guy and great dad though and it drives me fuckn bonkers. You do realize you have been in jail, out of the state by choice or just plain GONE for over HALF of you daughters life right??? RIGHT??! You also do realize that having a job for 3 months, the first time in 5 years, does not make you a stand up dude either.

Yeah your trying….I get it. Try harder.

 Also, when a person says something (how much you cant stand me, when you leave me constantly) often enough, it starts to stick. I acually started to believe you bs. Maybe thats why I wanted you so badly, bcuz I thought no one else would ever love me. I dont know. Makes me sick.

I could not let myself beg for you again, I could never and will never let myself grovel and become that helpless and hopeless person ever again. Thats who I was. Fuck that.

Harmony needs to know that she never needs a man to be whole, thats what you used to do for me. You literally completed me. I have to be stronger than that for her, and myself.

Now you get out, and you have been back and forth for 7 months now. 7 months….smh. This is so rediculous. Not only have you been back and forth but you literally have a few hoodrat groupies. Man if thats what you want. You have accused me of so much…. well theres no denying what she is so congrats. You found a keeper. Lol.

You want me to cut off the world, literally. Just be with you, no friends no nada. How am I ever to feel secure with you when you mention leaving, try to find a way out at the slightest argument. Normal couples can have arguments and move on. Not you.

Your controlling, abusive, and for some reason I still love you so much.

The other day I was talking to my sister. I was telling her that everyone, wether they realize it or not, has an addiction. I could not figure out what my addiction was. I have figured it out.

My addiction has been you.